So I have been slacking on blogging the past few days. Vanessa came to Louisville before she left for California for the holidays so I chose to spend more time with her instead of blogging. I just felt that if I were to work my normal 8 hours shifts, spend time with her, and blog I would end up attempting to take on too much. This might be a small example of spreading oneself too thin given that I work full-time, go to school full-time and still serve at church on Sundays. I tend to keep myself pretty busy. I often wonder if I am taking on too much or if I am spreading myself to thin.
For this reason, I find myself failing to keep less formal commitments. Example: not blogging the last two days. Some times I do not feel like this is a bad thing. But I still can’t help but wonder how this might creep into my future ministry. Will that turn into bailing on elder meetings or showing up late or canceling on meetings in which I am attempting to connect with for church planting reasons?
In the end spreading one self too thin is dangerous. You end up not giving yourself to anyone. The important things are lost and the things that do not matter.
The biggest problem is we never admit that we are spreading ourselves to thin. We call it drive. We call it the next step to getting to our career. We call it ambition. We call it so many different things but at some point we have to admit that this busyness is just that it’s keeping ourselves busy. For me it’s often being afraid of something – this weekend maybe it was afraid of the emotion and transparency that blogging requires. Maybe it’s just being afraid to display my craft and find people look what I believe to be my equivalent to Degas or Mozart or some brilliant artist for others to look upon it and simply say “I don’t get it.” Or for others to simply never look at it all. I often find myself in the tension of spreading myself too thin and not putting myself out there at all. I feel as if I often overdo it, or if I don’t I just don’t do anything at all.
It’s a dangerous disease that seminary students seem to have and I caught it really quickly. But it’s an American epidemic – we all spread ourselves far too thin. Some times we need to just chill out. When we die will it be said that we kept ourselves too busy?